The journey to my inner child – A psychedelic encounter with the Oedipus phenomenon

My interest in the topic of the “Oedipus complex” was sparked during a seminar on biodynamics with Mona-Lisa Boyesen. There, I heard for the first time a thought that stayed with me: the Oedipus complex is not a pathological conflict, but rather a natural phase of fulfillment.

Children in the Oedipus phase (approximately six to eight years old) naturally feel more attracted to the parent of the opposite sex. This is completely normal and part of development. This phase exists to find fulfillment in this love. It should not be experienced as a deficiency or something incorrect, but as a natural impulse to experience the first love of the opposite sex as perfect, so that in further development (puberty) one can seek and perceive love out of fulfillment and not out of deficiency.

Boyesen writes in her article Revision of the Oedipal Phenomenon from a Biodynamic and Erogenetic Perspective: "Oedipal love is the first non-symbiotic romance. [...] These declarations of love are a natural part of childhood romance. Ideally, parents accept them as innocent expressions of deep feelings, because this infatuation is an important source of the child's later relationship skills and mature identity."*¹

This thought touched me deeply. It turned my previous understanding of early childhood attachment experiences upside down.

My psychedelic self-experience

I wanted to explore this topic in my own therapy. Together with a friend who accompanied me as a “supervisor,” I undertook two journeys with psychedelic support. The experience opened up a world that I can hardly put into words:

I found myself in a fantastic children's world – full of cotton candy, lollipops, unicorns, dolls, rainbows, and soft clouds. Everything was colorful, sweet, and light. I immersed myself in the perspective of a child between the ages of six and eight – sometimes from the point of view of a girl, sometimes from that of a boy in a world of Superman, dragons, swords, etc.

For the first time, I understood how intensely children live in this magical world – a space of “wishful magic thinking.” From the outside, it may seem like “being lost in fantasy,” but on the inside, it feels completely real.

A particularly touching moment was when I asked my friend to hold me in his arms. Suddenly, I felt tiny, safe, supported, and grounded—as if I were back in my father's strong arms. It was as if an inner circle had closed.

From childlike love to awakening sexuality

In this state of fulfillment, I felt something new rising within me: physical arousal. I noticed how the secure love slowly transformed into something else—into Eros, into an awakening sexuality.

Here I found Boyesen's concept of erogenetics again: “Eros is the source of love in our being. [...] Erogenesis refers to the state of inner harmony when instinctive impulses unite with spiritual qualities.”²

It was as if I was reliving the transition from childhood magic to puberty: first love, shyness, insecurity, but also memories of rejection and shame. It was a difficult time for me as a teenager. I was often sick, rarely at school, became an outsider, and was bullied by my classmates.

During my psychedelic journey, I realized that my Oedipus phase was not characterized by fulfillment, but by deficiency. However, during this journey, I was also able to experience how this story now was being rewritten in my inner world.

Insights for my therapeutic work

This journey has given me profound insights—not only for myself, but also for my work with clients. I have come to understand how crucial it is to respect children's innocence and imagination. All too often, adults project their own fears or sexual anxieties onto children, robbing them of their innocent world. Statements from parents such as “Don't flirt with boys,” “You're a little Casanova,” or “Tell me about your new love” leave their mark! Parents need to be much more aware of this.

Boyesen describes this dynamic as follows: “Rejection by the Oedipal caregiver or a possible withdrawal of love by the same-sex parent is the fundamental problem associated with the Oedipal theme. [...] The complex belongs to parents who transfer their difficulties onto the child.”³

These words struck a chord with my own experience: I remember my father often telling me that I was “hanging out with boys too much.” As a child, this was hurtful and, above all, confusing. He transferred his own fears directly onto me—and made me feel like I was doing something dirty or wrong.

Today, I see more clearly: the child itself does not have a complex. The complex arises from the parents' unresolved issues.

Love and unconscious patterns

Another insight from my journey was how deeply early experiences shape our unconscious image of attractiveness. A seemingly insignificant detail—such as the veins on a man's forearm—can still have a calming and attractive effect today because it is associated with early experiences of security with the father.

Boyesen sums this up in her language of biodynamics as follows: "Libido is the creative force that controls both our zest for life and our psychosexual development. It is geared toward completing each of these phases as fully as possible."*⁴

Conclusion: A new perspective at the Oedipus phenomenon

My psychedelic journey showed me how much our understanding of love, sexuality, and self-esteem is shaped in the early stages of development.

Boyesen's revision gave me a key to this: "Childhood Oedipal love is pure and innocent. [...] The fulfillment of children's needs in this phase is key to our own maturity and promotes a well-integrated and fulfilling relationship life."*⁵

I could see how important it is to let children have their fantasy world, to protect their innocence, and to accompany them with love into the next phase of their lives. For me personally, this journey was a way back to my inner child—and at the same time a step forward in my adulthood.

Furthermore, with this deep understanding, I am able to accompany my clients much better in their relationship issues.

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Sources

1.    Mona-Lisa Boyesen: Revision of the Oedipal Phenomenon from a Biodynamic and Erogenetic Perspective. Published in: Body ‐ Group ‐ Society, New Developments in Body Psychotherapy; Ed. Manfred Thielen. Psychosozial-Verlag.  Section “Oedipal Love.”

2.    Ibid., section “Erogenetics.”

3.    Ibid., section “The Oedipus Complex.”

4.    Ibid., section “The Libido.”

5.    Ibid., section “Conflirt / Fulfillment of Childhood Needs.”